In a series about navigating difficult conversations, we’ve previously explored creating mutual respect, identifying your conversational purpose, and utilizing inquiry and curiosity. Now, let’s delve into advocacy.
Advocacy is essentially the chance to share your perspective. What insights do you have that others might be missing? How can you articulate your position without diminishing theirs? Consider this example: “Based on what you’ve said, I understand why you might think I’m not a team player. However, I believe I am. When I point out potential problems with a project, it’s because I’m focused on its long-term success. I don’t intend to be critical, although I may sound that way. Perhaps we can discuss how to communicate these concerns more clearly.”
Here are some tips for effectively sharing your viewpoint:
* **Wait for your turn:** Allow the other person to fully express themselves. Ensure they have finished speaking before offering your perspective.
* **Remember your purpose:** It’s easy to get sidetracked or become defensive. Reconnect with your purpose throughout the conversation.
* **Avoid assumptions:** When explaining your point of view, speak slowly, clearly, and don’t assume the other person understands your perspective.
* **Inform, don’t persuade:** Resist the urge to “sell” your viewpoint. Simply state how things appear from your perspective.
* **Choose your words carefully:** Be mindful of language that might trigger a defensive reaction. Aim for words that encourage listening.
* **Focus on facts:** Share objective observations rather than subjective interpretations. For instance, “You walked past me without saying hello” is a fact, while “You ignored me” is an interpretation.
Most importantly, communicate respectfully. In Aikido, we bow to our partner before and after each technique. Imagine bowing to your conversation partner before starting. When you feel yourself losing composure, remember this and recognize that advocacy is most effective when you respect the other person’s perspective.
Here’s to good communication!